I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize