I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
