We won't sleep together?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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