Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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