you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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