do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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