if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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