My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
