When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
