Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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