Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
