So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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