that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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