I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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