yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
