I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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