Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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