Don't make out with my wife yet
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
