There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
