Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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