you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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