You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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