after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize