You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize