Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
