At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize