Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
