Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
