If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
