We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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