Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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