I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
