I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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