yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
