So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
