thus making me awesome and them whores
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
