So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
