You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
