Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
