ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
