We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
