oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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