My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
