Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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