he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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