I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Two words: blizzard sex
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
