If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
