Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
