OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
