I just cut my nipple shaving
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
