i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
