Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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