There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
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