I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
