Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
