I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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