I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
