I can text with my tongue
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
