someone owes me an orgasm
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
