I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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