Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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