Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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