ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
