i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
