Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
