You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
