hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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